How My Client Went From Masculinized Feminist to Feminine Woman Who's Getting Married

Yesterday on Instagram I reposted an unsolicited raving review from a client via @dontbecomeroommates1989 who only had marvelous things to say about me coaching her 3 years ago. I worked with her in the summer of '21 and she had a number of issues mostly in being raised as a feminist by her own father.

The majority of the women I work with who were brought up in a feminist home environment emphasize it was their mothers who conditioned them to be feminists. Yet, in my client's case, it was not her mother but her father who had his own ideas of molding her into "being a man who was always underperforming as a woman," as she recalls it.

He was also physically abusive. He treated his daughter like a male work horse who was required to be strong, mean, tough, and show no emotion.

She came to me as though she was pricked to the bone by buzzards at the age 28 having never been in relationship. She was torn to pieces mentally and emotionally and had by far the worst self-esteem I've ever witnessed among any woman I've ever met.

Needless to say, none of this paints a pretty picture. In fact, it paints a horrifying picture for any 28-year old woman who was raised to be a man, who could then only seem to attract the most effeminate men. And in attracting these daisy-picker dandy type men, her self-worth and self-esteem plummeted even further.

And today, I want to provide you with an in-depth and truly remarkable illustration of her results, and to also highlight some of her key improvements over the last three years since we worked together.

Unsurprisingly, my client has purchased every product I've ever offered, from private coaching, to a blog subscription since day one, to my femininity coaching group membership, to my flirting courses. And it's safe to say, all of her hard work in doing so speaks volumes.

And if you are reading this, perhaps you can make parallels in your own dating approach in today's single's climate and begin to measure your overall self-esteem level in dealing with the opposite sex. The information you can glean from my client's astonishing example of marked self-improvement (and getting the relationship she's always wanted) will give you a better idea of where you are and where you want to be in finding true love.

Let us begin...

She is Now Completely Whole Inside and Out - She Came to Me Grieving Her Former Life as a Happily Single Woman

My client went from being an awkward shut-in deprived of human affection, and consumed with crippling guilt and loneliness, to becoming whole within and healed from her lifelong generational trauma and wounding.

In finishing up coaching with me, she began to live her life in the way she'd always envisioned she could live it, even down to the most "mundane" details.

One of the more delightful and thrilling tasks I assigned to her was to buy herself some of her favorite scented lotions and rub them all over her body. To make time each day to feel these creams on her skin, breathing in their scents and savoring them with her untapped senses. Almost like a ritual.

I instructed her to take baths with oils and style her hair and apply makeup. She wore high heels and some new dresses after having never worn a dress. I told her to take 1-2 hours out of her day to pamper herself using all these heavenly feminine treats that women love.

Remember, she had never done any of this before in being raised by her father to be the hypermasculinized work horse son he never had.

She never indulged herself. She never used scented lotions. She never wore a sexy dress. She never believed she should even care about styling her hair. She didn't think she deserved any of this due to her masculinized self-loathing.

Over the coming weeks she increasingly performed these daily rituals. She also began mingling and flirting with men whenever the opportunity would present itself.

She began dancing with men at fancier locales under the dim lights while quietly celebrating her newfound womanhood.

She began heavily investing in herself and her special talents. She bought property and focused on certain aspects of herself and her life that were suddenly that much more important to her. She started opening up more to the people around her and readily embraced making countless connections.

Fast forward 2.5 years, I get a message from her telling me she met a masculine man she adores. And this masculine man adores her just the same. They begin dating and he formally asks her to be his girlfriend. She accepts and they become an item.

Another month or two goes by and I get another message from her:

"Jenny, I'm not sure what to do but I'm happy being single. I love this man and I know he loves me but I feel like I'm really going to miss being single. My life was going so well and I was just really contented and settled."

Boy, did that conjure up some of my own fond and bittersweet memories when I too met my husband. I loved being single and I also "grieved" that I was giving up that part of my life when I chose to get married.

So I told her the truth:

"I understand how you feel because I felt exactly the same. I had my life all figured out at that point and I was finally happy with everything and I wanted for nothing."

Then I concluded:

"But, you have to understand that this is precisely when the people we are meant to be with will show up. And they will show up not a moment sooner. We can only receive these blessings when we are ready for them, and you are definitely ready. You are whole, healed, happy and have found real life satisfaction. And this man showing up at precisely the right time means he's the man for you."

So for you folks reading this...

How whole within are you? How truly happy and fulfilled are you in your own life, in your own skin? Are you able to truly enjoy all of life's precious gifts with or without a relationship?

That cliche, "The right people show up when we're not looking for them and always when we least expect it," is a truism. People want to be with us so badly when our lives are full and complete. They want us more than we've ever been wanted by anyone, especially when it seems we don't need anyone, not even them.

We are irresistible when we are just as happy being single or being in a relationship. When you arrive at this fork in the road where you realize it makes no difference.

Therefore, here's an exercise for you:

On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you being single?

If it's a 7 or below, it's a safe bet you have some work to do on your own self-worth and self-esteem. And also, in filling your life schedule with what truly makes you happy and fulfilled.

No one has to step in and complete you when you are already whole. And this is what makes you irresistibly attractive to others.

My client said, "I fell in love with me. My life. The people around me. And I've made some real connections."

Are you living your life in the same way? If not, this is where you will need to begin. And you too will discover it starts here and ends here.

She Honed In On Her Sensuality and Savoring the Moment - This Helped Her to Be Feminine

Before she recently met the man of her dreams, she filled me in occasionally on a few of the dates she'd been on; where instead of trying to "interview" men for compatibility or negotiate being sexually intimate (like so many women do today), she simply waited patiently to see what may unfold between her and each prospective suitor.

She paid attention to these men. She smiled and complimented them but she made sure she didn't get carried away and go overboard. She was interested in chatting with each man in getting to know all she could about them in an effort to build a rapport. She was intent on having great conversations and making meaningful connections with each man where she could.

This patience opened up a whole avenue for her in which she could enjoy richer experiences with men. Innocent and beautiful experiences. Hand holding, a flirty glance, and some goosebumps was like Disneyland for her. It was magical. A dreamworld. And it kept her mind and heart forever open to finding the right man.

She treated dating like a great story unfolding, not some chore. And certainly not some adversarial inconvenience where today's singles seem intent on committing so many dating faux pas that they are looking for someone to maim, not someone to love.

She scaled it back to simplicity. She showed up with a smile, as a lady, warm and inviting and waited patiently to see how it goes–just enjoying the moment in being feminine and receptive to a man's thoughtfulness and efforts.

P.S. Ladies, this is ultimately how you can screen or "vet" a man. Is he willing to court you? Is he willing to make it a pleasurable experience for the both of you, no pushing for sex, no agenda, no pressure, no manipulation, and no expectations except to spend quality time with you?

If so, this is the making of a good connection. And it's exactly how it played out with my client and the man she now plans to marry....

She Kept Her Heart Open and Ready For the Right Man - And Now a Masculine Man She's Crazy About Wants to Marry Her

My client, like any single person on today's dating scene, had a few dates that didn't work out. Even if she wanted them to work out and they didn't, she took it in stride. She was grateful for a relatively painless experience, especially in comparison to the more richer experiences she shared on other dates that went well.

They took in nature on these dates. They held hands. They kissed (JUST kissed, nothing else is necessary at this juncture). They engaged in good and lighthearted conversations. And she was always open to being more patient in allowing the man to properly ask her out and make plans (and if he didn't, she knew when to gracefully bow out and move on to other prospects).

And in the interim, she stayed playfully curious. She never once hardened her heart because:

a) She's a good judge of character and she wasn't going to allow a man to play with her feelings or use her for sex.

b) She keeps it classy. Men don't treat her like she's loose or sexually available because she's focused on taking her time with men and getting to know them. She confessed she enjoys "the slow burn" of getting to know a man over time because it's a lot more exciting than going way too fast like so many do on today's dating scene.

c) She focuses on the slow burn. If the slow burn is not there, she realizes she's not going to be interested for very long. The slow burn encompasses a lot of things like building anticipation, gauging real attraction (obviously if the attraction is real and heavy, the person is going to be very hard to get rid of), stoking romance and seeing how much thought a man is willing to put into the interaction and a potential relationship overall.

And a few months ago, she met the right man, seemingly out of nowhere. One day when she least expected it, he appeared (just like my husband did 21 years ago).

He checked off all the boxes:

• Mutual attraction and chemistry is unsurpassed
• His masculinity is a perfect match and balance for her femininity
• Same values in desiring a long-term relationship leading to marriage
• Similar aspirations and interests in terms of lifestyle and career
• Same sense of humor and openness and honesty in communicating
• Both value taking it slow and getting to know each other = dating and courting -> formal relationship -> talks of marriage -> proposal -> a wedding date

Can you believe it? I sure can. What a truly life-altering journey for her! Congratulations!

I'm so immensely proud of this young woman and all that she has accomplished. And I've expressed to her time and time again that I'm honored and feel very privileged that she chose me to aid her in embarking on this glorious path.

She sent me a picture of her and her new beau recently and he's everything she's ever wanted in a man. Again, God will send us exactly who and what we want when we are ready to receive it.

Are you ready? My client never believed she would ever be ready to even smile at any man, let alone be ready to marry one like the one she's set to marry.

If she can accomplish it, so can you.

Love and Many Blessings,

Jenny

Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?

Write me: lovepilled@protonmail.com