I'm Single and Childless at 38 - Am I Destined to Be Alone?

Dear Jenny,

Q:

I'm soon to turn 38 and at times I'm concerned that no man will want me if I can't have children. I'm approaching 40 and there's a fairly low chance I may be able to still have children.

Will a masculine man still want someone like me who can't have children?

Sincerely,

Childless & Alone at 38

A:

Dear Childless but Certainly Not Alone,

You face a dilemma that is not at all uncommon among women in the modern age, and especially, in your age group. Women have been choosing careers (often to their chagrin and regret) and other pursuits delaying marriage and having families indefinitely for some time now.

The good news is, you're 38 and you're certainly not destined to be alone. You can still have a child if you so choose. But your dating and marriage prospects will not be as ideal as they may have been 10 years ago. That's just the truth.

What you must do now is be open to expanding your dating pool to not preclude certain men who may be deemed "undesirable" by conventional standards. You may not find a multimillionaire Brad Pitt type, but you can certainly find a man who's well-put together, über masculine and has plenty to offer.

You may consider dabbling in the divorcee crowd of older men who are no longer vested in having children. They're often actively looking for women in your age group who don't want children or may be done having children.

Or you may very well find a man who shares similar life goals and still wants to get in under the wire, so to speak, and get married and fire up that baby making machine.

In either case, you'll have to continue to get out there and try. Don't waste any of your time on Tinder and the like with the hookup crowd who are focused solely on frivolities. Also, keep your eyes peeled for "out-of-the-box" chance encounters among single, older, masculine men who aren't actively looking for dates. They may be busy with careers and hobbies and they may be taking an active break from seeing women.

These guys can be a goldmine and you can find them on professional networking sites like LinkedIn.

Also, much of the time, women today have specific idealizations of the kind of man they want (while refusing to be with any other type) vs. the kind of men who would love to date them and pursue something more promising.

I'm not suggesting you "lower your standards" and "take whatever you can get." But you will most certainly have to keep an open mind in terms of not holding out for the knight in shining armor stereotype of a man many women hold dear to them.

In fact, many women who hold these impossible deluded fantasy men near and dear to them are surely winding up alone. A brand spanking new one winds up alone every day—today's pop culture tabloids are replete with their ominous tales of love and loss. And still, they refuse to swallow their pride and dial back their ego and realistically find someone to love who will love them in return.

Don't be like those women (which I suspect you aren't by your frank candor). Your future happiness and a "second chance" at life depends on it. Look for someone you're compatible with, not someone who doesn't exist at this point in time as a result of the fewer dating prospects you are now faced with.

I hope this wasn't too harsh or unjustified, but to know the truth at this juncture is as important as it is necessary. You clearly have it together in terms of what you have to offer and your self-awareness is compelling as it is noteworthy. You should have zero trouble finding a man who isn't "perfect" but will most certainly be the perfect man for you.

Love and Many Blessings,

Jenny