Will He Commit Or Is He Lying?

I'm no longer a proponent of telling women to "pick better" when it comes to men. Women have a track record of having a very hard time making these decisions, especially in today's increasingly harsh dating and relationship environment.

The reason many women have a difficult time picking the right man is because:

• They are naive. It's in a woman's nature to be naive and it's part of being feminine. When it comes to certain men and how they treat women, women are walking into a den of wolves. They become hurt and damaged by these men and they never saw it coming. Then, through all the anguish and pain, they are trauma bonded to a loser. A man who is, was, and will always be incapable of committing. Or even caring.
• They often pick men according to who's the biggest brute because they correlate brutishness with strength and masculinity. While it is true that a man being brutish is overwhelmingly and undeniably masculine, that doesn't mean he's cut out for commitment and marriage.
• Their parents demonstrated dysfunctional gender patterns and behaviors. The father was often weak and wasn't protective of the women and girls in her family. The mother was a henpecker and emasculator. This caused these women to be very vulnerable and again, prone to walking into a den of wolves, not knowing what they were up against with men. Once they were adult-age and exploring today's world of casual sex and non-committal dating, they found themselves being used and abused.

I'm finding myself in the mother figure role to thousands of (young) women who read this blog. They tell me their parents didn't guide them and they find their missing guidance in me.

I had a young woman in my DMs tell me she easily fell for the brutish type of man mentioned above who insisted, "I'm not looking for anything serious."

She also confessed to me her dad was never protective of her. That she was all alone out in the world to fend for herself as a young virgin. And like clockwork, she was severely emotionally and psychologically abused by this man.

Inconvenient truth: Women are by and large incapable of seeing bad character traits in men. Women's nature makes them see the world through a more innocent lens. Therefore, if she herself isn't sociopathic towards others (women usually aren't), neither can the world be sociopathic. "Solipsism" at its finest.

And this is NOT a bad thing. Women aren't supposed to be hardened, too worldly and street smart. That's a man's job.

And unfortunately, women are finding themselves in this role today. Having to "toughen up" and find out the hard way that some men are users and abusers.

Furthermore, when it comes to women in placeholder, stringer and situationship type relationships, they are stuck asking themselves, "Will he commit to me?"

Then 7 years goes by and they never get the ring nor the marriage.

My job here is to be your wise and protective mother. To help you understand and be armed with the truth when it comes to men and commitment.

And below, you discover once and for all if a man is going to commit or will forever lie about it and waste your better years...

Some men are "good liars" when it comes to future faking (I personally don't buy into any of this for myself because I can't be bullshitted and I always take a man's character, actions and behavior towards me at face value).

But when you read between the lines, they're not very good at it at all.

It's just most of the time women's idealism, trusting nature and ride or die loyalty paints a rosy picture with a man who will never commit. They want to believe with all their heart and soul he will commit but he won't. And here's some further indicators it isn't going to happen...

There is No Real Growth In the Relationship

What is growth in a relationship? Below are some solid examples..

You have fights and arguments and you are able to hash them out and resolve them and reach a higher level of trust and intimacy.

You are heavily involved with him dealing with sick family members and a lot of the decision-making and he needs you to be there through his pain and struggle.

In fact, many long-term decisions are made involving you. Where the next move is. The next job is. What your parents think. Where you want to plant roots.

When you two have the much harder conversations, he doesn't run away and he keeps coming back wanting to solve problems.

You get the picture.

A promising relationship leading towards commitment will have growing pains. It will evolve in a direction where you two struggle and grow together like a couple and solve your issues.

And it will advance well beyond everyday routine occurrences you experienced while you were dating.

If you are not getting stressed out together and actively figuring out how to live your lives productively in the face of it, he is not planning to commit.

When a man commits (or has the intention to), you will be involved in every aspect of his life. Especially the hard stuff where the harder decisions have to be made.

Broaching the Subject of Marriage is Forbidden

I see this a lot with couples and it's a hush hush thing where his approach appears to be, "I don't talk about it and she doesn't ask any questions."

Marriage is a dead end conversation. Dead in the water. It seems he will not even discuss it, especially not seriously.

He brushes it off.

He shrugs and makes it seem like you're nagging when you bring it up.

He gives faint affirmations that "maybe it could happen in the future so we surely don't need to talk about it right now".

"This AGAIN? I already told you, I'm not ready yet but I could be in the future. You need to drop it." (I'm certain this happens a great deal but women don't listen and it destroys them deep down inside and they can't come to terms with it).

Whatever the occasion behind discussing marriage, it's a taboo topic. It's a subject he shirks and avoids. And very often he has you walking on eggshells where you remain too terrified to discuss it because you are met with him being dismissive and even abrasive.

A man who wants to marry will be OPEN to discussion concerning his plans to marry you. He will be honest about his intentions to marry you (and believe it or not but a man doing all of the above is being honest about his intentions of not marrying you and you have to swallow your pride, believe him and leave him).

Finances Are More About What's Convenient Today and Not What's Important Tomorrow

Finances will make or break a marriage.

I read the other day a woman insisting that marriage is a business partnership.

In a very big way, it is. Especially when it comes to men and them having to part with their hard earned money.

What is he spending money on? Is he investing his money towards your future together?

Signs he's not investing any money towards your future (and will not commit):

Pays only for "fun" stuff. Like meals, vacations, party attire, etc. Fun stuff and conveniences seems to be the ceiling of what he'll spend in the relationship.

Your money is separate. I can't stress enough how important it is to realize that 50/50 is often a big sign he really doesn't want to commit, especially when he's really stingy about it. And again, the 50/50 isn't going towards anything long-term. You are not going 50/50 on a brokerage account. You're going 50/50 on rent in an apartment he already lived in before you got involved and he doesn't plan to move.

Whereas, if he's investing lots of money towards your future (in a lot of boring things like investments) he is already committed...

He will buy houses, cars, pay for repairs, pay for surgeries, and help pay for your mother's first year in physical therapy.

If he is only allocating funds toward basic necessities, or "fun stuff," he is not going to commit.

Men lie to women every day about committing. And you as a woman have to be smart and stop falling for it.

Pay attention to how much more effort he's willing to put in that goes beyond the basics. Measure how much growth you've endured together and how "mixed up" and involved you are in every aspect of his life.

And most of all, a man who will marry you and commit will have no problem making it happen. He will have no problem talking about it. And he will have no problem PAYING for it.

Love and Many Blessings,

Jenny

Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?

Write me: lovepilled@protonmail.com