WTF: The Guy Dumped Her After a Year and STILL Wants to Remain in Contact
I see this scenario play out in the dating sphere at a constant between two people who are "seeing each other" but they are never exclusive.
They are never in a formalized, serious relationship leading towards long-term commitment.
They remain left in the dark throughout the duration of the time they spend together and they are left wondering "where is this going".
And worse, they feel they have to walk on eggshells around their insignificant other and not press for commitment because they are terrified the person is going to leave them and therefore, they will never have a real shot at a long-term relationship.
Inconvenient truth: If at any time you feel like this with any person, and you are NOT in a committed relationship, there is no relationship. Nor is there any remote possibility of one. Which is why I always stress you must stop letting the culture and the people you date lead you in this disastrous direction.
You will have to make it your own personal rule to break the rules. I have always broken the rules in dating and I've never had any problems with men. So make sure you stick with me and I'll show you how.
Folks, I know this is really difficult as the whole of dating "etiquette" or gross lack thereof allows this kind of meaningless connection to flourish throughout society:
- It's okay to leave people hanging and wondering where they stand. It's totally "normal" to live in limbo and not expect a relationship out of it.
- It's perfectly fine if two people spend 4 years together "dating" and having sex without any movement towards commitment.
- It's awesome if you sleep with dozens and dozens of people but you're weird, stupid and lame if you only want one person to love, marry and spend the rest of your life with.
And this screenshot we're going to take a look at below and analyze in-depth is a classic example:
What a mess.
Now, let's start from top to bottom:
She pleads, "Do I ever speak to them again or?"
First, I need to know why, when these people get blatantly and callously dumped by jerks who've strung them along for months, that they actually want to stay in touch?
WHY?
Whenever I had any relationship fall apart in the past, I made it a point to never speak to them again.
They no longer have the privilege of being in my life. Say that out loud to yourself 10 times:
"This person had his/her chance. They messed up and now I'm gone."
I am not a revolving door. People get ONE chance do to right by me and maybe one more if they're lucky and hell freezes over.
People need to know that you can't be toyed with. Your conviction and boundaries is very ATTRACTIVE and makes you trustworthy, worthy of respect and lovable. It makes people take you seriously because they realize you can't be played with and they won't play with you!
Part of your New Year's dating resolutions for 2025 (I will be posting about this in detail so stay tuned) is that you must start making it very clear (to yourself especially) that you will not tolerate any games. No confusion, no ghosting, no mixed signals, no "what are we," and no disrespect.
The guy gave her a whole spiel about how he's not the right man for her but he doesn't respect or value her enough to let her go completely so she can find another man to love that she can actually be with.
He WANTS to her to continue hanging around because he can still get ego rubs, sex, undivided attention at midnight on a Tuesday when he's bored, and lots of Instagram likes and story views.
You must STOP doing this. Stop relegating yourself to being the throwaway mat these people wipe their filthy boots on and go on to laugh about it when your back is turned.
Stop leaving the door open to these users, liars, future fakers and shady people who aren't worth a damn.
Next, she says, "I just needed to be honest about where I stand."
Obviously, this is her entire problem. I spent much of this year talking about being more honest about what you want in your relationships.
Dating culture is steeped in dishonesty. Everyone lies about what they want when deep down they secretly want that one special person to love. And they insist on continuing to behave badly thinking it's going to get them results.
If she had simply told him she wanted a relationship from the get go and put up a clear boundary, he wouldn't have wasted a whole year of her young, fertile life that she'll never get back.
Or, if it was me, I would have told him to go eff himself. "Go get with some lame ass who wants this sh*t because I don't, ya scumbag."
Had she done this, he would have done 1 of 2 things:
Straightened his dumbass out and actually took her more seriously because of the boundary. He would have thought, "Whoa. She's one of those girls that I can respect. I better do this thing right."
Or, he would have moved on and been a degenerate time-waster elsewhere.
A big part of why I have always had success with men is don't allow them to f*ck with me.
I don't allow men to waste my time and play with my feelings.
As soon as a man shows me he's a dirtbag and is up to no good, I believe him 100%. I look closely at his actions and determine he's a dud and dust him right there on the spot.
And this is extremely important to keep in mind, but I never internalize people's shitty behavior. If a man treats me badly, that's on him. It has nothing to do with me from that point on and he will never see me again.
I don't have time to sit around and wonder why any man didn't like me and didn't treat me right. I don't care. I have many other men I can date that will be well worth my while. It's always worked out that way for me because I won't waste a single second on a connection that proves to be entirely worthless.
Crappy connections are a dime a dozen. A great connection is rare. And you will never find that great connection if you continue to allow these bad characters to waste your time and exploit your emotional resources.
Lastly, as soon as he said, "I understand if this has to be goodbye," she should have said goodbye.
He spelled out to her very clearly that he does not see a future with her. He doesn't want to be with her. He has declared under no uncertain terms that he cannot provide the certainty and consistency she needs.
So again, believe him! He's telling you the truth! And at that point, there's nothing left for you to do but put a period where it belongs and end it (I know it's easier said than done but I will be giving you some very solid and useful tips in the coming year on how to accomplish it).
Next year, when we talk about game, I'm going to need you to have more of a strategy on how to navigate this culture so that you don't get sucked into this rat wheel of needless pain, emotional damage and even lifelong trauma.
NO ONE is worth the heartache they're shelling out. But the right person for you will be worth every bit of the effort you shore up for them. But you will never find that person if you allow these scum to remain in your life and keep you from finding the right person who can love you the way you deserve.
Love and Many Blessings,
Jenny
Questions or comments on this column? Have an advice question you'd like answered?
Write me: lovepilled@protonmail.com